The Benefits of Subconscious-Based Treatment for Sexual Functioning Issues

The subconscious mind is like a storage center in the brain that accumulates events, memories, experiences, beliefs, habits, and traumas. These influence our lives to a very large extent, including many aspects of our everyday behavior. Of course, we are not aware of this. It simply runs the show.

We live in the present moment through our conscious mind. Here and now. Everything we experience, hear, feel, and sense happens as part of our current reality. When certain things repeat themselves, they become woven into the subconscious.

Just as we first learn to drive and later operate a car on autopilot, just as we learn to read and write, and just as we develop beliefs – we believe in something until that belief becomes ingrained. At the same time, one-time events can also become ingrained, alongside ongoing experiences. These may include comments directed at us, something specific we saw that shocked us, something we heard, and so on.

What becomes imprinted and ingrained in the subconscious mind guides us and influences us in our daily lives. It can lead to unexplained fears, excessive criticism, avoidance of certain actions, unclear impulses, sensitivities and allergies, anxiety, anger, a relentless pursuit of something, firmly held opinions about certain things, and more.

How Is This Connected to Sexual Functioning?

Let me start with an example.

A 17-year-old boy goes out with friends who have decided to hire escorts so they can lose their virginity. They decide to "do her" one after another, so that as soon as one finishes, the next is ready to take his turn. This could be an enjoyable experience, or it could be traumatic. Here, I will focus on the second possibility.

The boy prepares to approach the woman, knowing that another friend is waiting after him and that they have limited time and a limited budget. Because of this, they keep rushing one another. The boy takes off his pants and underwear but has no idea what to do, since this is his first time. He stands in front of the woman, his penis erect, feeling pressure and apprehension about the situation, along with a great deal of excitement.

The woman rushes him, throwing out the comment, "Come on, sweetheart, I don’t have all the time in the world. Get started and finish quickly!" In the background, his friends are also urging him to hurry up.

He approaches her, and simply from the contact with the tip of his penis and the excitement he is experiencing, he ejaculates and finishes very quickly. She laughs and makes a remark about it.

What happened? An experience became imprinted in his subconscious: during sex, you finish quickly, and sex is stressful.

From that moment on, and continuing to this day, the boy, who has since grown into a man, experiences pressure during sexual intercourse and ejaculates quickly.

In one case at my clinic, a man came to see me with a very similar experience, which he had been carrying with him for 30 years! For 30 years, he had been ejaculating quickly, feeling under pressure, and failing to satisfy his partners. He was carrying a great deal of frustration and insecurity that affected him not only behind closed doors.

As a specialist in my field, I understand that this is connected to an event that became ingrained in the subconscious. He, who does not work in this field, is unaware of that connection.

How Is a Case Like This Treated?

First, we conduct a comprehensive assessment to understand the events in the person’s life. If the person remembers the event and tells me about it, I examine it carefully to see whether it left traces that are connected to his sexual functioning today.

If he does not remember the event, and it is the event that influenced him and left its mark, we can reach it through guided imagery exercises. We essentially ask the subconscious to bring forward the event responsible for the issue in question, and then we work on it.

When we work deeply with the subconscious, it brings forward, at that very moment, only those events it knows we can handle. Sometimes, only part of an event comes to light. Gradually, over time, additional details connected to it emerge, allowing us to work toward the desired release and change.

The advantage of this type of treatment is that it does not require chemical intervention through aids or medication. It takes place through conversation and closing the eyes – that is all. This also makes the treatment very suitable for Zoom sessions. I have the tools to guide the client through the process, while the subconscious simply brings the relevant material to the surface and becomes more flexible in allowing the situation to change.

In the case of the man described in the example above, the process works as follows:

After the assessment and the realization that this was an event that had left a lasting imprint on him (he remembered it but had not understood how it had affected him), the client closes his eyes and begins a journey.

First, we help him reach a state of calm and tranquility and create a safe place. Gradually, he is guided to bring the event to the surface. The client feels as though he is reliving the experience through its different dimensions – sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.

As we go through the process, we begin to understand what happened, as well as the feelings that accompanied the event. We then work toward several things: Repair – including forgiveness and compassion; Understanding – recognizing that no one is to blame; Release – letting go of difficult energy and integrating new energy; and Change – exploring how he would have wanted the event to end differently.

This is just one example among many.

As a specialist in this field, I have encountered many events from clients’ pasts that turned out to have influenced their sexual functioning.

Here are a few brief examples:

– A man experiencing performance anxiety comes to bed feeling pressured when he is with his new wife. This is because he grew up as a boy among many sisters. His parents constantly warned his sisters: "Be careful not to get pregnant", "Don’t have sex before marriage", "Don’t be tempted by men who are always thinking about how to get into your underwear", "Don’t contract sexually transmitted diseases", "Don’t let men ejaculate outside you", and so on. Hearing these warnings from the sidelines instilled fear in him, along with a tremendous sense of responsibility regarding any physical contact with a woman. As a result, when he got into bed, he was unable to function properly because of the cloud of fear surrounding his sisters – a cloud that had simply become ingrained in his subconscious.

– A man experiencing delayed ejaculation finds that it takes him a very long time to ejaculate, according to his account – anywhere from 40 minutes to two hours – or that he does not ejaculate at all. His partner becomes exhausted and even begins to experience pain. This man likes to be in control. He works as a senior executive at a large company and feels that he never gets a moment’s rest. He remembers that a powerful, satisfying orgasm accompanied by ejaculation brings his body into a state of deep relaxation and causes him to lose energy, sometimes to the point of briefly falling asleep afterward. As a result, at the subconscious level, he does not want to lose control or become exhausted, and so he is "programmed" not to ejaculate, if he ejaculates at all.

– A man who suddenly loses his desire for his partner. One day, they have an argument, during which she throws these words at him: "You’re worthless, I’m not attracted to you anymore, so go to hell…" He experiences the argument very painfully because he loves her deeply, but they have difficulty communicating verbally. Her words cut deeply because he is not used to being spoken to in this way. At that moment, an impression becomes ingrained in his subconscious, causing him to see her differently – as unattractive. Even though they have since reconciled, a year has passed during which he has felt neither desire nor passion for her. The perception of her as unattractive has become ingrained in his mind.

In each of these cases, an event has become imprinted in the subconscious. After assessing the situation and exploring these events in depth, it is certainly possible to create change.

Sometimes, change takes time. It depends on the client’s openness, willingness to participate, and, especially, the level of resistance they experience. There are also cases in which significant improvement occurs after just one treatment session.

Another advantage is that when change occurs, it is clearly noticeable: desire returns, the penis becomes erect again, spontaneous erections occur, ejaculation is delayed rather than happening as quickly as before, confidence increases, performance anxiety decreases, and more.

Shlomit Wolfin